Last night starlit skies
Sparkled over the trees
While fishing an osprey flies
Keen eyes searching the sea
The fog has settled in
Like some dark wet gloom
The sun cannot win
Fog has sealed it’s doom
Such a change from evening
As we sat out on the deck
So damp grey and depressing
My soul is such a wreck
Life is like the weather
Depression is its fog
Faith is your bellweather
Prayer will left the smog
We can’t control the weather
So we adjust every day
Just pull on a sweater
And go about our way
Some things aren’t simple
And I do not take it light
But to God its just a dimple
And prayer will make it right
Use faith as your sunlight
To brighten dreary thoughts
Use the lord’s prayer to fight
As happiness is sought
Now you must believe in something
To get through life intact
When belief in self is lacking
Try faith in God, it’s a fact.
here's to dear. cheer up alright! things aren't always the way we want them to be but we'll get around it somehow <3 keep a smile on your face sunshine =)
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
child's play
it was wesley's 4th birthday yesterday and my family brought him out for dinner. seems like we celebrate his birthday for him every year.not long ago, he was just a little baby making all sorts of goo-goo gaa gaa noises. and now he's talking non-stop. that kid is uber cute. especially when he tries to speak like a grown up when he is infact um, really tiny. haha. we were in the car and he kept thinking he was ben ten and i was an alien. i died many times. according to him (because of his superpowers..yeah right). it was really funny the way he jumped from one topic to the next. one moment he was fighting me as an alien, the next, he was teaching me how to play tennis. after he "whack whack whack shoot shoot shoot.." he suddenly went "jie jie sheena, do you know how to play games?" i was like of course i do. so i asked him "what games do you like to play? do you know how to play badminton?" he frowned at me and went "i dont play badminton. but i know how to play tennis? do you know how? i can teach you.. first you hit the ball. then you wait for it to bounce...then you see your opponent hit the ball...then you wait and then you whack and then you can WINNNN!!" yeah. a four year old giving me advise on how to be the next maria sharapova. haha. a few seconds later. he returned to killing alien/s (me).
when we got out of the car, he went, "what place is this? australia?" shit. i laugh until stomachache trying to explain to him that we are still in Singapore. he's argument was "but ben ten can fly! just now i use my superpower to fly already. are we in America? ben ten live in America leh" so the whole night was basically about ben ten and how he was ben ten and how he wants to eat "american food" so he can be like ben ten. since we were going to shokudo with not much "american food" i had to make up stories to satisfy his curiousity about american food (ok, i know, very bad to bluff small kid. but it was seriously too tempting cause his reactions were damn funny) i told him we were eating japanese food and that ben ten ate japanese food when he was a small boy so that he could grow fast and strong. but of course, my shallow knowledge of cartoon characters was no match for his. he immediately corrected me saying "no ben ten ate alot of veggie and carrot that's why he's so strong." ok whatever. i couldn possibly tell him to eat veg and carrots on his birthday so i just let it go. den i bluffed him that astro boy who was ben ten's cousin was from japan and ate alot of japanese food and that seemed to convince him. although i didnt know what i was talking about (my sis later told me that i was right and that astro boy was from japan. haha. seems like im quite accurate in bullshitting sometimes) well he happily ate and asked 10million questions about the food, the people, what i study, what my mum likes to eat...he's super random but i guess that's cause he's still a kid. after it all, i thought he was satisfied with the jap food. but when we were leaving the restaurant, he tugged at my shirt and went "jie jie, i want french fries and ice-cream. that's american food right?" so we went to macs and got him that. he can eat alotttt mans.
oh well. had a great time with that rascal. although he spent the whole night trying to convince me that i was dead because i was an alien and he was ben ten.
Friday, October 16, 2009
farewell. not really.
farewell assembly today was quite good. had a good time catching up with my teammates as we sat together for the assembly.talked about team holiday and all. quite cool. hope something comes outta it in the end. the guest of honour's speech was quite funny and macey claims to have a crush on him. HAHAHAH! she wanted to go on stage again to anyhow take another prize so she could shake his hand once more. no wonder she says she likes older men;)
it was our very very very very last civics lesson too. i could hear the shattering of someone's heart when BT dismissed us. ahhh! the agony!! its alright la CA, you can always add him on facebook and you guys can superpoke each other all day (and all night long:) ) (eh.. i joking only ah. i still wanna live to take my a levels ok!)
well after that the rest of the day just sucked.sigh.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
sigh. feeling kinda lost these few days. hate it when i dont know where im going next or if i can get to where i want. a levels is not very far off but my 5 As still seem elusive. sigh. whatever happened to big dreams and great ambitions. seems like everyone is busy applying something here and there while i dont really know how i should go about it. yeah. everyone says just study for a levels first and settle the rest later.i guess thts true. but it is really unsettling realising that you may not be good enough for what you wanna be. and theres nothing much i can change about some of it. like the amount of CIP hours for eg. oh well. just some random blab from my incoherent, messed up mind now. back to math. =(
Read more...Saturday, October 10, 2009
duolos
went onboard mv duolos today with. took a tour and got a better understanding of the ship and it's ministry around the world. it was pretty interesting and inspiring to see how people of so many different nations can come together with one common mission and passion. charm was very excited about volunteering to "work" onboard the ship after her IB exams but i guess not so for me. haha. when i heard that the boat did not have stabilizers, i knew i couldnt make it. but after the tour and listening to how these people are reaching out to the less fortunate in other countries, i am all the more sure that i want to go out to the mission field as well. i believe to go out there outta one's comfort zone will really be quite a life-changing experience. what a better way to change my life then to do so while spreading God's love. from what i see, we have alot to give with our ordinary selves. and even the most ordinary skills we have can be made for extraordinary purpose by an extraordinary God. haha. just felt pretty uplifted after the visit on doulos. kind of takes me to see the bigger picture of life, instead of the miserable mugging im trying to endure these days. haha. met ben ten at vivo. was telling jo that i had a feeling that we would meet someone we knew today. who knew it was ben tan. mr tan i mean. whoops.
just asked mum and dad about my church's mission trip. apparently, there's gonna be a trip down to east timor. dad says the situation there should be quite stable already so they are planning a trip down. really hope i can go:)
well, most of all, i was really glad to finally meet ya today after 2 extremely long weeks. and i can't wait to see ya again tmr <3
Thursday, October 8, 2009
i'm too lazy to blog much today. nothing much to talk about either. school was a whole lot of slacking. we walked out of econs lecture because the lecturer said "if you all wanna talk, you can leave the LT now." we dedcided that we wanted to talk and hence we obeyed instructions and left the LT for lunch although we already went to manna cafe earlier in the day to eat. that new random cafe in my sch's quite cool, food's not bad too. except you come out smelling like fried food. i had TK calling me "fried chicken in tomato sauce" for a few hours after that. lessons were pretty much non existent. we spent math lesson cam-whoring and playing with some stuff on the wall, forming all sorts of different words. it was fun. but that's about it. came home and did a rather back-breaking (literally) session of chem. blaa.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
sigh
didnt get that 1 extra mark for math. stuck with a c.sigh. a C and a B, though only one grade apart sounds like a lot of difference. and i hate the way that difference is making me feel upset :( i guess my prelim grades sucked after all. whatever.
kinda down today actually. don't feel like going to school these few days though its the last few days of it and i should be treasuring them. just dont really feel like talking to people or hanging out with friends for that matter. anti-social. yeah. my symptom of stress. and hearing people complaining about getting a B instead of an A just makes me want to hurl.i don't blame them. i mean, its human nature to always want to attain something better but it just reminds me of how far away i am from them. yeah. perhaps it should serve as motivation but if i were to be honest with myself, its just making me feel terrible. especially this close to A's. looking at all these, i really wonder if i'm ever good enough. good enough to even be applying for a scholarship, applying for med school and all. i know im wallowing in self-doubt and its not good. but its just what really runs across my mind.
home feels like a really good place to be right now. where nobody's around to make me feel stupid or inadequate. i guess i should have gotten used to culture in RJ by now. in fact i used to believe i thrived on it but i guess not anymore. its the last few days i know. but its seems to be taking forever.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Skies are dark. Its time for rain.
not a good day. it started fine. got back math and did quite okay. was actually quite happy cause at least my extra time and effort devoted to math paid off. chem was a totally different story. out of all my h2 subjects, i practiced the most for chem. (yes even more than i did for math), got hold and used all the resources i could from school and hwa chong friends, vandalised my wall with chem "posters", read them every night before i go to bed and i get a disgusting, awful, atrocious, screwed up E. i guess i'm really discouraged. some people seem to do it so easily. i really dont get it. shucks. i mean, mum says "but its your school chem.isn't your school chem more difficult than its supposed to be? just make sure you do well for A's can already". but its not that easy. and my confidence is shattered. and if other people can get at least a decent grade for chem in RJ, i know its not impossible. but i'm stuck in the E rut for the whole of this year and it really sucks. sigh. i guess i'm just hoping what my senior said comes true for me. that he only got U all his life for chem in RJ but got an A in a-levels. i guess that's what's giving me abit of hope now. but still, getting an E seriously sucks.
oh well. i guess that's for what i got today. went for a long run. covered my long route plus an extra 1 or 2 km which amounts to around 6+/7km prob? it was kinda good. helped me clear my brain and vent my frustrations. i guess, overall, the Lord's been good. My math, physics and GP all improved by 3,2,1 grades respectively and i think that's pretty good. and this BBBDE grade i get this time is still by far my best set of results in RJ and i ought to be thankful. guess the entire pre-lims were not too bad, especially for physics where i did not expect a B(cause i spent really little time on it), guess chem was the ultra-mega disappointment but i'll stop talking about that. no point mulling over it anymore. i'll just work towards A's.
dear's stuck in camp tonight. guess that sucks too. but once today's duty is over, the rest of the week should pass quite quickly ya? sigh. i need my sunshine. my skies are grey today :(
back pains and cravings
no. i ain't pregnant. no. facebook's prediction ain't coming true. but my back's giving me quite alot of problem lately. find it quite torturous to sit still and study for 2 hours straight cause my spine will start to hurt alot. gosh. it's really irritating cause it's affecting my studying. and if it doesnt get any better in 5 weeks time, i guess it'll do its fair bit of harm to my a's as well.math paper is 3hours long. that's greater than my threshold duration of my pain endurance. shucks. praying that my back will be better by than. just spoke to my dad's friend who's a physiotherapist today. said she'll help me look up some stuff to help. we'll see. otherwise my parents are gonna send me for an MRI and i hate MRIs. i have been stuck in that disgustingly terrifying claustrophobic machine one time too many and i do not appreciate that blue thingy that they stick down your vein. urrrghhh. oh well. as for the cravings, i've just been having weird cravings these days. like no more teh bing but soyabean milk instead/beef noodles/tau sah piahs blaa blaa blaa. feels like i'm really eating for 2 people. haha. shit. jo says i'm obsessed with having kids. i guess i sound like it now. STOP STOP!
went for run with jo today.good run. nice weather and good entertainment:) nice having someone to talk while running. makes it less boring.we should do that more often. help me get rid of the soya bean milk/beef noodles/tau sah piahs i've been eating these few days. haha.
yay! monday's over. one day down. 4days and a few hours till i see ya again <3
(oh, anyway, i tried googling our names and the blog doesnt come up in the first few options unless you type "xinquan/sheena". but i figured there's a really minute possibility that someone would type that in that exact manner unless they're stalking us :O!)
Monday, October 5, 2009
new moon
hey there
the beginning of a new week rele had an impact on me. monday blues, especially when i couldnt meet up with you yesterday. rele feeling the emptiness swep through me and feeling the pain every minute, every second.luckily i brought bella to accompany me. haha read about 230 pages already, still about 300 left. think i'll finish it by thursday latest. at thepart where jacob morphs. so interesting. haha. anyway i hope your studying is going according to plan and your results are good. remember that sunday's lunch is on me. gonna have duty tomorrow and i'm already dreading it. but even worse im dreading my sunday duty that is a few weeks from now. hate duties that are on weekends. especially when you gotta do at least one weekend duty every month, not including the weekday ones. even my parents are complaining about the regularity of me being at duty. oh wells. im hoping i get to meet you on sunday. there shouldnt be a problem. most likely staying at my friends house this saturday so i'll be early. haha. this is really funny. instead of using this blog to tel the world about the happenings, we're just like talking to each other. i dont mind it, just that what if people yahoo or google our names and they find this, we're dead for sure. haha.
oh wells. gonna watch tv now. take care!
<3
Sunday, October 4, 2009
miss ya
its the very very last official week of school. kinda sad actually. life in RJ has been helluva fun. things were tough (understatement) and still are (my a's arent over) and there were times where i really didnt wanna go to school, but i guess amidst all those bad days/weeks/months.. the friendships forged, laughter and fun shared stands out most clearly in my memory.Class time is never boring. somehow, someone always has something stupid or funny to do or say.i guess i'll even miss sleeping in class. miss my badminton team too. all the long dreadful hours spent in the ISH seem so far behind now (not that i would wanna relive those) but there were always fun times in between, even as we collapse on the floor with cramps, aches and injuries every alternate day. oh well. i should save all these for farewell assembly on friday or badminton farewell. kinda moving ahead too fast in time. oops.
i think missing you so much is making me emo. that explains the rambling above. sigh. i want next weekend to be here now. its gonna be a long week.was kinda looking forward to seeing you this weekend but guess it wasnt possible.oh well, at least i see you in my dreams =) (though its nothing compared to the real thing). its 'just' one more week i guess.but it doesnt change the fact that i miss you. very very very much. next week, we go eat beef noodle k? i still got craving:))
Friday, October 2, 2009
back to school
school finally began this morning (i make it sound as though i was looking forward to it all this while. ok.maybe i was. school days are always very interesting:) right class?) anw, to begin with, GP was simply hilarious. According to TK, "today, m-ooi damn cute". It all began with the laptop and m-ooi's usual frenzy to get things in order. As usual, TK was being his normal over-enthusiastic self, offering to help to carry tables, chairs, take the role of the AV rep, set up the lap top for m-ooi...you get my point. m-ooi was just rambling on and on about how the new class location sucks and how the system sucks (so much for being politically correct) and blaa..(i mean whatever she said was just hilarious) while TK, JH and a few other were "trying" to get the laptop set-up. poor TH kept following m-ooi around as she trotted around the classroom, asking for permission to go to the toilet but she was too caught up with her complaining that she didnt notice him at all until a very long while later. when the screen was finally up, she didnt dare to type her username and password to log into her account cause she was afraid we could see it. oh man! such a joke. we were trying to convince her that when she typed her password, the screen only showed the ******. Then she began cursing technology. HAHA. She still refused to type it so JH had to help her switch the screen off so that she could log on first. Then we waited...and waited...and waited...for the screen to come on again until JH finally decided to check the projector and realised the switch was off. He switched it on and the screen came on and we were all happy for awhile. then m-ooi went, "dont you wanna switch off the lights? won't you all go blind.." so arif, being nearest to the switch very cleverly went up and switched off everything. including the switched linked to the projector so the screen went blank again. ZOMG. the class couldn stop laughing. m-ooi just glared arif down while he gave his trademark grin back at her.
got back our GP papers. got a B. guess its alright. hopefully by the a levels, i'll be able to pull it up to an A.
last block of the day was entertaining too. the typical tri and jo drama in class again. too lazy to type though. all i can say is there ended up with one too many lightbulbs surrounding them...tsk tsk.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Happy Childrens' Day
hi world (or whichever part of the world bored enough to read this=P)
The last 2 days were a killer for me. having duty on wed night was not exactly the best thing in the world. after a serious lack of sleep from staying up through the night, i needed to work the full day of today. had a bad headache that was killing me from inside. when i came back i couldn't sleep. what a day huh. but at night i did a research on what i wanted to study in the UK (just click here and there) and came up with a list of the universaties i would like to go to. 1) LSE ,2) UCL, 3)Manchester,4) UOL. others don't really matter. i planned to study economics there so these are the logical front runners. just emailed some teachers to ask them to aid in writing my testimonials and now i got to start in writing my own personal statement that i totally need help with. have no idea where to start and end, what and what not to put in, how much to write and basically everything possible. this is an appeal to people reading this to help me. i;m drowning in words, someone save me. this goes to dear who is also looking at the UK uni. dream big la dear. dont look at the course cause it doesnt offer masters anymore. you know what i'm talking about. focus on getting into med in NUS la k? but whatever it is, i will always support you. yupyup. this is kinda my last contribution for the day before i go and sleep. yes. that was basically my day. boring right. haha. 400 days till i can do whatever i want. yupyup. to all the young ones out there and the young one calling from inside me, HAPPY CHILDRENS' DAY!!!. and to her studying for A's to focus on your objectives k. dont spend too much time applying for the unis that you forget the more important piece of the picture. sleep early sleep more. apparently it improves brain power. you know i only want the best for you.
Love, me
